man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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