I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
