I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
