So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
