remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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