So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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