Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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