Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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