He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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