you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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