The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
