just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
