Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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