In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
