She is in my trunk
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
