Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
