so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
