i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
