Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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