I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
