last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
