Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
