How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
