Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
