Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
