I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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