Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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