Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
