sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
