the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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