Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
