cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
