I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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