Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
