all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
