Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
