my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
