one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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