If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
