He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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