had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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