My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
