Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The uberlube is also flammable
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
