They should really pass out barf bags in church
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dignity is for republicans.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
