kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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