How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
