there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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