I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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