I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
