I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
