Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
